Monday, January 28, 2008

Yay for Janet!

i wrote an entry junior year of college admiring my sister for going against the grain

12/13/2004:

*edit*

to answer sonia's post:

i feel like a lot of the times i say shit without thinking about the ramifications and how they might be interpreted.

i don't mean to say being a doctor can't be someone's dream or something like that. but i feel like so many people are being pre-med WITHOUT wanting to go that route, and will ultimately find themselves unhappy because they will find out too late that being a doctor is not what they wanted to do, and they were influenced by societal asian pressures to do things like that.

my friend at med school now, who i feel thinks very similarly as i do, is not finding med school to be a walk in the park, and has somewhat the same sort of laze take it easy mentality. i feel like if you don't have the drive to become a doctor, and being a doctor isn't your passion, and you're doing it anyway, you're just lying to yourself. that is all. -.-; <- liz fob stylez

*end edit*

so today i had to go to this crappy chinese place for my sister's birthday where of course my mom has to throw a hissie fit when the waitress screwed up something like my mom always does...i swear we've probably got spit in our food sometime or another because of mom. she's all into the the customer is always right deal. but that's for another story.

my sister tried to be cute by paying for it. but my sister's po, so my mom was like o OK.

anyhow, onto my sister.

my sister reminds me of the movie moulin rouge, the quintissential starving artist. she's even living in brooklyn where she says artists live or something, i guess she's trying to be with her kind.

my sister's po because it's hard moving up in the fashion business i guess, and you gotta start somewhere. needless to say, my asian parents believe (well at least my mom) that she's wasting her education by having a job that doesn't pay well..

that's where i come in i think. as i mentioned before, i think i'm supposed to play the role of van gogh's brother, who buys his brother's shit cause no one else does. and then i'll sell it when my sister dies for mad g's.

but despite my sister's po-ness, i respect her more than the i-banker making those six figs out of college. because she has the balls (figuratively speaking of course, tho she likes to say "suck my dick, you little shit" a lot) to do what she wants to do in this world, instead of having the life sucked out of them by the very thing i call pre-life. (pre-life being pre-med, pre-business, pre-law, pre anything that involves being boring)

i've lived in my sister's shadow for a long while now, some ppl may call it the harvard older sibling complex (right eddie, gary?), but throughout our waking lives, she was just more concerned with what she was doing, while i mulled around aimlessly, wanting to (obviously) get to the best place possible, while doing the least work possible. i was one of those ppl that tried to optimize the rate of returns against the time i spent (you know like the first hour of work gives you 10 points more, while the second will give you 8 and so on, decreasing rates of returns), but eventually the laze factor settled in. my sister had no such laze factor (at least in high school), and i guess was why my mom's always like study like my sister (again, probably only in high school). so i guess where we ended up going was just.

my sister has gone the asian route, pre-medding and econing, and decided, "fuck that shit" and went fashion. she goes to europe and lives like a native in paris, goes to LA to shoot some videos for hoobastank (sucky band, big name tho), went to some big emmy show or something, showed up on korean TV when they were interviewing ivy league kids or something like that, and will probably do more amazing stuff.

i could never say "fuck that shit" cause i'm too much of a wuss to actually risk it all and do whatever it is i want to do because i've been so blinded by this life that i don't even know what i want to do. sometimes i feel like i live vicariously through her, as scout, in med school, is living vicariously through me. (oh yea, which further convinces me, if you don't know if you want to become a doctor, you don't)

but yea, but it's the little things that my sister will do, like convince my parents that pre-med sucks balls, that being math oriented, i should do something financial and such, taking me to a jimmy eat world concert when i was feeling shitty, calling me up to talk even tho i pretend to be too cool for her, and pretending that i was sleeping in her bed when i came home late so my parents wouldn't kill me(no we don't have a perverted relationship like some sister/brother i know...) makes her a very cool sister indeed.

she does listen to some bad music sometimes tho. and does suck when she's telling me to wake up or something annoying like that. like taking my internet connection. or something.

which reminds me again. 56k sucks. but that's for another entry.

1 comment:

Janet said...

yay you love me! my fave entry!!!!!!!!!!