Tuesday, June 22, 2010

lasik

so as some of you may know by now, i underwent LASIK (laser-assisted in situ keratomileusis) surgery last tuesday, to correct my nearsightedness that i've had for about 20 years.

my glasses have been really tied to my identity as a certified nerd. if you didn't need glasses growing up, that probably meant you either had enhanced genetics, or never wasted them on nerdy things like that involved lots of text based activities where the text was small and hard to read (such as marvel cards, magic cards, long nerdy fantasy novel series, computers, RPG video games, comic books, etc.).

but even at the ripe age of 6, i knew that being a nerd was not a good thing in society. i dreaded getting glasses, and my first grade teacher was like, "even clark kent wore glasses!" well, i couldn't exactly tell her as a little kid that:

a) superman sucks
b) he's a loser as clark kent, that's why he takes those glasses off when he pwns n00bs, wtf

as time went on, i suffered through having these laborious glasses as a young fellow, and my eyesight became worse and worse. sometimes i'd squeeze them underneath my eyes at an angle so i could see better with them when they weren't powerful enough. i'd also remember times when they'd fall apart and i'd have to find those infinitely hard to find screwdrivers that are small enough to screw in the screws for glasses.

not to give over too much to such a trivial thing, but i think glasses had the self fulfilling prophesy of my transformation into a nerd. it was like they trapped me into a category and pigeonholed me into a role that i was only doomed to accept. i couldn't help it, people were glassesist.

fittingly enough, it was only when i acquired contact lenses that i started to become less socially awkward than i was back then. (yes, it was possible for me to be more socially awkward, if you can imagine that).

but even that wasn't a perfect solution, contacts weren't to be worn for more than a day, had to be cleaned daily, and were somewhat uncomfortable when worn for long periods of time.

my roommate had gotten PRK surgery done by this doctor, Ken Moadel. apparently he worked on the eyes of bernie williams and jason giambi, so he seemed to be pretty legit. so two wednesdays ago, i hopped in the offices to make an appointment. after getting my eyes checked out by staring at laser beams for like a billion times, they scheduled me for surgery the following tuesday. at the rate he pops out these surgeries, i'd say Dr. Moadel is not going to be needing a pension plan for his retirement.

before i went in for surgery, they told me to get a prescription filled. i bought a 3 ml container of eye drops that cost 95 dollars...wtf. that's literally like more than one dollar a drop. when i went in, i didn't have to change or anything, but i waited for like 3 nerve racking hours or so until they finally got me in the surgery room.

so apparently i'm super hyper, because they thought i was jittery enough to warrant 3 dosages of valium. so after i was sufficiently sedated, they took me to this room where there were two machines and a table to lay on. there were around 3-4 ppl in the surgery room including the main doc, one who was holding my arm as the surgery happened. the first thing they do is put this suction thingy on your eye to prevent it from closing i suppose, which is kind of uncomfortable. then they spray like infinity drops of random things in your eye which rolled down to the side of your head, and i'm thinking, "well thanks for letting random chemicals roll down the side of my head."

the next part is a bit freaky. i THINK a metal thing scraped against the front of my cornea, which is supposed to create the flap thingy so the laser can do it's work and stuff. it blurred my vision and you kind of are panicking a bit at this point cause you're not exactly sure what's supposed to be "normal" or if things are going gak. anyhow, they put you under some machine right afterwards that goes RIGHT over your eye, and this is where i think the flap is secured? not entirely sure what happens but everything kind of really went dark after this.

then you're like OMG WTF. then they flip you over to the other machine where you see a red/orange light. they tell you to look at the orange light, which you do because you think, "omg if i don't look at the light i am going to be blind." as you look at it, you hear a sound that sounds like you're being tazed, and you start smelling burning plastic. except...it's not burning plastic. IT'S BURNING FLESH. ZOMG.

then they go to work on putting the flap back on, and it's like little by little your vision starts coming back. it was like the dude in the Bible getting Jesus spit on his eyes and getting it healed in slow motion and stuff.

afterwards they put a patch over it and do the same process with the other eye.

having the second eye done was still freaky. you're like oh wait maybe i shouldn't have agreed to have both done BECAUSE IT COULD BE A HUGE MISTAKE?! but you're already in the chair so too late, gg no re. after it was all over, they gave me these funky sunglasses to wear, and i sat in a darkish room for like 10 minutes by myself with them on.

i was thinking, "am i healed? am i bionically enhanced? do i have x-ray vision or the ability to shoot laser beams out of my head?" ok maybe not exactly, but i do remember thinking, "ok it's kind of messed up to have your patient all by himself after surgery wondering wtf just happened."

then i was ushered out and told to put drops in four times a day. i took the subway home because i forgot that it'd prob be a smart idea to take someone with me to make sure i got home ok, and i just spent the time wondering how ridiculous the sunglasses i was wearing looked on me, and if it was obvious to onlookers that i had just gotten eye surgery. when i got home though, i looked at the sunglasses and they weren't that bad actually kind of ok style-wise. my sister took them for herself.

after waking up from a 4 hour nap, i felt a bit disoriented still and it was hard to look at things for more than 5 seconds even with the glasses on. now, however, i feel pretty decent although there is still a SLIGHT bit of discomfort, and it doesn't feel like my vision is 100% perfect at the moment (both apparently normal and self-correcting in a few weeks).

i still sometimes think i'm wearing contacts and need to take them out before i go to sleep, or push on my nose where i think my glasses are, but they're not. i guess it's akin to amputees feeling phantom sensations where there are none or what not, having something you're used to for so long change like that can be really weird.

but i wonder if i'll be a different person when the final after effects of the surgery wear off, and i realize that i don't need glasses anymore. i wrote once that my dream was to "be able to wake up in the morning and be excited about the day ahead, everyday." i hope this is going to be part of it.

Monday, June 21, 2010

tom wang to the rescue

*edit*

Tom: like how
i'm your poker playing friend
and not soulmate :(

*end edit*


so my poker playing friend tom shared with me a story of great mirth and enjoyment. a bit of background info before you read the convo for some clarification.

i went to atlantic city with tom and his friends danny and perry because tom's friend jeff had a room comped at the borgata water club. now danny, tom and i played the same kind of games and stakes, but perry was a younger kid who was also a busto newb who wasn't very good at poker and kind of just tagged along for the ride. in fact, i felt kind of bad because it was more like me danny and tom were living it up talking to each other while he was kind of in the background. i mean he was the annoying guy that you didn't really want around but tom felt bad for the kid so he let him come. i was not very happy about that, as i understood it to be a degen bro's weekend out, and he would really cramp our style.

anywho, there was a funny moment when i got out of the car to go home, perry said, "nice to meet you!" and i slammed the door in his face. i didn't hear him of course (i'm not that mean), but it was funny nonetheless.

so as i mentioned, perry isn't really that good at poker, so we sometimes have some fun at his expense (juvenile i know, but apparently i'm a 26 year old kid). we call him perryfan, perryville, perryellis, all sorts of gak and sometimes watch him play to see the ridiculous plays he makes. i mean, tom tries to help him of course, but the kid just doesn't have the stuff.

so, knowing this i present to you the story that made my day. it's probably not going to be .1% as funny as i found it to the average person, but i wanted to etch it into a blog so i have a memory of it forever.



Tom: like how
did i tell u

Me: like how
what

Tom: me and dannyboy

Me: did you tell me

Tom: were at cg's

[cg is Tom's friend, Jeff. cg means cool guy. something they sarcastically call each other]

Me: ?

Tom: railing your boy
perryfan
and randomly

[railing means, watching someone play poker. your boy is an expression we use to just indicate that that person has a connection with you, whether positive or negative. perryfan is a nickname that originates from another poker player we poke fun at who's name is terry fan.]

Me: LOLOLOOOO

Tom: we pulled up a few of his tables

[they were watching online]

Me: lol

Tom: insta-losing stacks like it's going out of style

Me: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHHHAAHAH
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Tom: and then this hand happened

Me: OMG
I AM
ACTUALLY
LOLLING

Tom: lol lt
wait till i get
to the punchline
lt
so as usual
perry 3b some donk's open

[open means entering a hand by raising the bet]

from 3 to 13
donk opened utg, perry was bb

[bad player was first to act, perry was in the big blind]

Me: hahahahahhaahahhaah
k

Tom: they were 170bb deep or so
100NL

[this means they were playing .5/1 no limit hold em, with stacks $170 deep]

Me: k

Tom: flop AQ8ss
perryville c-bets like 17

Me: O
LOL
k

Tom: donk raises to 45 or some gak
perryfan tanks
and we were all speculating
like oh boy

Me: LOL

Tom: he [Perry] doesn't like to fold

Me: HAAHAHAHHAAHHAAHHAHA

Tom: he's about to ship it in there

Me: LOOOOOLLOOOOOL
OMG I WISH IWAS THERE

Tom: and get snapped by donk's AQ/AA/QQ

[snapped means get called really quickly]

Me: hahhahaahahhaahhaha

Tom: anyway

Me: I AM
ROLLING
ON MY BED
LAHGING
IN ANTICIPATION
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Tom: sure enough after a like 30 seconds in the fishtank

[Perry does not act for 30 seconds, "thinking"]

he rips it in there
fish predictably
snap calls
and the cards are hidden
until showdown
so we have no idea
what either of htese gaks have
we just think it's perry with AK or some gak
and donk has AQ or the like
turn comes a Ks
we were oohhhing and ahhhhing
at the possibilities
river was a 4s
so final board was
AsQs8xKs4s



Me: OL
LOL
man
this
could
be
hilarious

[the reason i was in anticipation after this board was because there were four spades on board, meaning any one with the highest spade would win the pot, resulting in what was a probable crappy hand beating a good made hand]

Tom: and perry is to th eleft
so we're all kind of quiet in anticipation
of what is going on

Me: HAHAHHAHAH
like quiet gaks

Tom: i look at perry's hand first
AA
wowowow

[Perry had the best possible hand on the flop]

Me:
HAHHAAHHAAHAHHAAHHA
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHHA

Tom: and then i look over at donk's hand
and ur not going to believe it
7s8h

[the fish put in a lot of money with a terrible hand when it was extremely obvious he would be probably drawing close to dead, but won the hand because of a miraculous outcome]

ASD;FLKAJS;FLKASJSLAKJ

Me: HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAAHHAHAH
AHHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHA

Tom: we literally

Me: HAHHAAHAHLAOOHAOHAOHAOHAOHAOHOHAOOLOOAHOL

Tom: could not
breathe
for 10 minutes
i was for real

Me: IA
AM

Tom: rofling'

Me: AM
OMG

Tom: in cg's room

Me: OMG\
OMFG
SADOGKASFOAKSDFOASDGKOASBKASDFOKf

Tom: danny snap jumped onto cg's bed

Me: HAHAHAHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHA

Tom: and coudln't breathe

Me: HAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAH
I CAN't
OGM

Tom: we coined the term

Me: OMG
OMG
IC An'T'

Tom: "ROBL"

Me: I CAN'T
I CAN'TAWEG[ADSFKA

Tom:
andrew robling

Me: LOOLLOOOOOOOOOOOOL
HAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA
IMAGINE
THE TIT

Tom: =rolling on bed laughing

Me: TILT
TILT
OAWEHKAORGKASPDFKASDOFPKAS
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
OMGO
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tom: seirosly

Me: DID HE TAKE HIS MRI

Tom: i wish you were there

Me: EXAMINATION
HAHHAHAHHAHAA

Tom: it was so epic

Me: OMG IF I WAS THERE
SOMEONE'S HOUSE
WOULD'VE ASPLODED
HAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tom: and then we basically did not stop laughing about it for 20 minutes
nonstop

Me: HAHHAHAHAOOOOHAOHLLLLLLLLLL
20 MINUTES

Tom: like WTF ZOMG

Me: MORE LIKE ETERNITY
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Tom: in between wheezes

Me: DID PERRYVILLE CHAT

Tom: danny was like spurting out

Me: HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tom: RAISE/CALL 170 BB WITH BOTTOM PAIR
WTF HAHAHAHA

Me: HAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tom: IS HE FUCKING MRI

Me: HAHAHHAAHHAHAAHHHAHAHAHAAHHAHA
LLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Tom: oh my god
and then cg for some reason types in the chat
and outs us for being heckling railbirds

Me: HAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Tom: like, danny and tom were just now literally laughing on my floor

Tom: oh believe me
it was fucking epic

Me: HAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
FRODO BAGGINS EPIC
FBE

Tom: ahahhaha

Me: HAHHAAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tom: it was funnier because
we were just randomly pulling up his tables
and we happeend to catch that gem






ah, scheudenfreude.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

chuckled to my ipod today...

The answer you seek my son only poses more questions.

Ask many women why relationship has failed.

Each woman offer unique reason for demise.

One woman may say, "man could not commit."

Or, "man is douche, and is now free to make love to himself instead."

Another woman may say, "man had changed," or even, "man no longer satisfactory lover."

But my son, ask many men same question all over the world, "why has relationship failed?" Each man, each time, will give same, simple answer:




- Ben Folds

Friday, June 4, 2010

the following takes place...

i never really watched too much TV until the end of college/graduation. i usually watched movies, i suppose i watched a lot of naruto in my earlier years in college which is TV-like. but growing up, regular networking programming wasn't too intriguing to me (except for disney afternoons, obviously. darkwing duck, tail spin, goof troop, duck tales, ZOMG). i mean the shows of the 90's, like ER, friends, seinfeld, x-files, simpsons, home improvement, didn't really compel me to watch them with any regularity. i mean i guess i got attached somewhat to boy meets world, knight rider, and ghost writer (way back when PBS was somewhat hip). but if i missed an episode or two, i wouldn't really care that much.

i guess the whole concept of watching a TV show with the same compulsive behavior exhibited by crack addicts became introduced to me when i found a show called 24. i was not an original follower of the series and came somewhat late into the fray in 2006 (fortunately so because i could watch all the episodes of the best seasons back to back). however, the environment was prime for me to discover 24 during the summer of 2006, as i spent my time bumming around playing craploads of poker and staying at my home in westchester isolated from the rest of society. i was almost holed up in my own little mini bomb shelter, watching episodes until 6 in the morning when my parents started waking up, only knowing the world of 24.




if you don't know what 24 is, quickly slap yourself in the face. then buy the first 5 seasons on dvd/bluray and watch them. then thank me. the show is truly revolutionary in terms of storytelling and its main character, jack bauer. the real time aspect of the show lends itself to be the perfect vehicle to show bauer's unpredictability (although by the later seasons you've begun to expect the ridiculous already).

i said earlier that i found 24, but in some sense, 24 found me. i once considered myself a patriotic guy, us history was actually my favorite subject in high school (i actually enjoyed watching movies like gettysburg in class). i also considered the military (a very short fleeting idea) as a possible career option when i was younger. so, it was no surprise that i'd relate to jack bauer. he is who i'd want to be if i were a true badass. a patriot that has strong believes that he would die for and principles he will never forsake. one quote from season one sums up his personality well:


"You can look the other way once, and it's no big deal, except it makes it easier for you to compromise the next time, and pretty soon that's all you're doing; compromising, because that's the way you think things are done."


bauer's machiavellian and uncompromising attitude while good for saving the world, proves disastrous. he continually sacrifices everything in pursuit of protecting his family and his country, which turns him into a modern day tragic hero. the collateral damage from his actions are a curse for the kind of life he lives, he cannot both serve in the role of the country's protector and have strong personal relationships. equally compelling as finding out how jack just pwns everyone in sight is relation to the sacrifices he must make in order to accomplish his mission.




i became so engrossed in the show that i finished 4 seasons within a week. that's prob around 60 hours of television in a 168 hour period. i became so obsessed that i started humming the theme song whenever i was doing something epic (like trying to convince my sister that jack bauer would definitely rent a golf cart to cruise around in when visiting the palace of versaille, what i dubbed the "justice tour") i probably watched season 1 around 4 times or so, which is kind of like the equivalent of watching a movie 48 times (the only movie i've watched that many times is the matrix, which is probably around 100+ times).

i mean jack bauer just makes you want to kick ass in the name of justice. i mean it was so lol when kiefer sutherland head butted jack mccollough when they got into a verbal spat, part of me was like, there must've been a good reason for JACK, er i mean kiefer to do such a thing.



i must say though that 24 has indeed run its course. the whole show became somewhat formulaic after a while. season 6 was terrible, season 7 was slightly less so, and season 8 was pretty meh except for the last 8 hours, and then the ending was meh. and now, i cannot really conceive of a possible world where a single person would

a) go through that many ridiculous days
b) be right in almost every situation in terms of what the best course of action to take is
c) survive every single life threatening scenario he comes across (including voluntarily stopping his own heart to fake death)
d) not go insane after all those days


it's good that it's at its end, though the series finale kind of left it open for a sequel. however, while the ending shows the unraveling of bauer's psychological well being after having everything taken from him, it does not really provide a good enough closure for his story. i hope that will be resolved in the movie that will be made later this year.

it's strange that it almost feels like a relationship is ending after watching shows like 24 and lost. i wonder how much more it must feel like that for the cast and writers of those shows.