Tuesday, December 21, 2010

objects in the mirror are not as evil as they appear...

there's a lot of people, normal looking people, people you talk to everyday, at work, school, church, wherever, that have a lot to hide.  i used to think that the way i thought was common to most people, that i generally believe in doing what's fair and just for others by SOME sort of standard even if it's at a cost to myself.  but over and over again, i find that most of society does not feel the same way.  i was surprised to find out certain things about people i knew over the past few years, things i would be like, "NO!  SAY IT AIN'T SO!"  and being just in bitter anguish about what i knew about that person and reconciling it with my previous conception of that person.  it disgusts me that there are people who will just not care about what happens to others as long as it benefits them.

now, being inherently evil myself, i do agree that my standard is not up to par, and that my voicing of this is probably akin to pot, kettle, and blackness.  but it's just appalling to me how some people can just really lack any sort of sense of responsibility for their actions, and WORSE, be unapologetic for their wanton destruction.  the obvious ways these kinds of evil manifest itself in our world are through senseless acts of violence and destruction, but what's scarier is that this same type of evil is amongst us, subtly hidden through various layers of deception.

i often think of my own capability of evil.  what are my motivations for all circumstances?  where is the source of pain that causes my own desire to destroy and hate others?  how can i come to terms with it?  at times, i feel like i am ultra judgmental and legalistic.  at other times, i am wrought with the guilt of people i have failed.  i find that my thirst for vengeance sometimes makes me at my worst, finding ways to cut people to shreds.

i want to believe and hope in people, but through the various encounters and stories i hear, it gets harder and harder each year to think that there's any shred of decency left.  i have always been at war with my own cynicism with people in general, basically assuming them to be guilty until proven innocent.  the worse part is that it seems that a lot of the time, we just ignore the dirt and evil everyday, and maintain that it is just collateral damage, the cost of living this life.

i hope i never get to the point where i just accept the way people are as "business as usual".  and i hope to be able to always be willing to pay the consequences to man as best as i can for my own sins.

2 comments:

Michael said...

Preach it brother. If you can't find decency in others, make it in yourself.

chunlee17 said...

sometimes objects in the mirror are MORE evil than they appear....constant vigilance!!!