Friday, January 28, 2011

difference.

i read a book recently called crazy love by francis chan.  normally, i don't really resonate with books like these, books that seem to pick at one's emotions to try to shock them into action.

it wouldn't be so powerful i suppose without knowing the actual lifestyle of the author.  he wants people to step outside of their lives, and to come to terms with the growing satisfaction of the current status quo of the "american christian" lifestyle, to just tread water and be content with pursuing the typical american dream, and living out christian values whenever it's just convenient.

it illuminated to me a few things.  it convinced me that it was not wrong or prideful to try something different than what everyone else was doing, that people's advice of doing what is stable and proper were just self projections of how they think i should be living life.  to them "godly" life is just maintaining stability and not taking risk, while putting on a good image for others as good "christians".  what "taking a risk" is can mean different things for different people obviously, but for me personally, this difference manifests itself occupationally, because i believe that i am being prepared in that way to eventually be positioned to do something great for His kingdom.  what i'm going through and the struggles that i face i don't quite understand at the moment, but i can only pray that i will eventually have my "owen meany moment" and realize what it has all been for.

it also convicted me of my own contentment with how i am living, and how sinfully i carry on through life not caring, not loving.  it reminded me of the lack of love that i have for others, how i long to have that genuinely but how it has not really manifested for probably over 10 years.  how i have to stop seeking out acceptance from others and put myself out there, to love without expecting anything in return.  because that kind of love is conditional.  i have allowed that kind of love to shape who i am, how i think, and how i respond to others, but i realized that that kind of love only will fail in the end, as people (myself included, as much as i pretend to think i'm not) are ultimately fallible.

but it told me that as long i'm genuinely searching for truth and justice, it will all someday fall into place.

i hope you'll check it out.