Saturday, January 22, 2011


i remember the day.  friday.  thank god it's friday, huh?  i guess.

it was cloudy.  rainy.  coming back to nyc.  images of the lincoln tunnel and the subsequent 30s street exit signs come to mind.

i was in a black car.  a car service that takes you from the airport to the city.  probably expensive, maybe like 150 bucks or so.  it was ok, i didn't have to pay for it.  it was nice tho.  leather seats.  comfy.  rain droplets building up slowly on the windows.  a darkening afternoon.  i'd like to say there was a cool sunset like streak in the sky somewhere, but the truth is it was probably mostly a mundane boring greyish color.

i held my cellphone.  waiting.  wondering.  wondering when the call would come.  gripping it, flipping it open and close a few times, as if that would bring it to life somehow.  as if it would summon that call to come.

it didn't.  i knew it wouldn't.  i knew it wasn't coming.

things were different.

but i had to put on a happy face for the rest of the day.  pretend i was strong.

mask my disappointment.

forget my acknowledgement of transition.  change.

it was over.

this was the beginning of acceptance.

i couldn't wait for the day to be over.

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