Tuesday, March 29, 2011

when i was younger (part 1: routine)

i had a routine growing up and going to school.  i would get up probably precisely 15 minutes before i needed to leave the house.

the first 5 minutes were spent getting out of bed and changing into clothes.  i coined the term "warm change", when i would stay underneath the covers and change because it was still warm inside the bed.  (asian parents tend to keep the temperature a bit chilly during the winter)

the next 5 minutes were eating breakfast, which was a bowl of cereal.  cereal would be what i called 2nd tier tasty, which would be the kind that were uncolorful, but still had enough sugar to be palatable.  sometimes my mom would mix frosted flakes with corn flakes in order to make it healthier.  she knew i would never take reg corn flakes or reg cheerios (without honey) straight up, so sometimes she mixed in sugar or bananas in them.  but it'd always be cereal on a school day, i don't believe it was ever different for 12 years.

the last 5 minutes were washing up, brushing teeth etc.  this was critical at this juncture, because the bathroom was upstairs, where i had a vantage point to see if the bus was coming.

until high school, i took the bus to school every morning when i was a kid, and i was always the last stop on the bus.  i didn't actually really mind (unless i was going to miss a darkwing duck or a batman the animated series episode), because it left me a lot of time to think on the bus.  i'd always try to get a window seat, and stare out as we rode, calculating how much time there was left before we got to the dreaded place.

i do remember distinctly thinking about the future often.  i would think to myself,

"so, i'm 12 years old, that means i've probably lived around 1/6-1/7th of my life already.  man those 12 years went by quick, huh.  i wonder if the next 12 years are going to be that fast.  i'm only going to have 5-6 more 12 year shots, if that.  and, i'm spending most of it at school.  then work.  yay."

though i wasn't suicidal, i wasn't exactly the most optimistic person on life, either.  i went through routine, because i didn't know anything else in life, because i thought this was the way life was going to go on, and i should just accept it.  i did have a thirst for meaning beyond what was presented to me, but i think i resigned to "figuring it out" later in life when i thought i would be better equipped to do so.  so i went on day after day, going through that routine, in hopes of finally coming to some sort of epiphany.

that epiphany never arrived.

1 comment:

mia said...

u ate cereal everyday for whole life? no wonder ur so tall. =)