Thursday, May 26, 2011

vindication

for something we all already knew, but californians too stubborn to admit:

shake shack wins taste test

for further reading, my old entry

here.

for good

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better


unwilling suicide.

it's ripping apart a part of myself.

i give up the right to argue.  i give up the right to make a statement.

and i eat it, become the fool, as i have done many times before.  looking like the one who's lost all sanity, a grasp of relative perspective and clarity in reality.  maybe i have.  maybe i'm crazy.  i wouldn't like myself very much if i weren't, though.

so much seems demanded of me.  maybe it isn't so much.  maybe it seems so much because my capacity to give is so small.  maybe that speaks to my overall generosity.  that my emotional ability determines my view of how much i can afford.

perhaps it is a good thing, that the thing i feeling in me dying everyday, is in fact a cancerous growth that needs to eventually die.  the loose ends that remained unresolved will just become like withering flowers, slowly decaying into nothingness, like accepting a bad ending to a movie.  a continual process of "dying to one's self."



i do this all, because one day, i hope to be able to shed my cynicism.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

annoyed.

i recently had a conversation with someone who has been a friend of mine for a while which kind of upset me to some degree.  there was an aspect of my life that was something i would not attribute to my own efforts but rather out of circumstance that was interesting to him, and although it was fine to open with a question about it, it seemed to consume his whole interest in talking to me.  during the convo (it was an online chat), i even wrote like at least 20 lines of text commenting on this whole other subject, and instead of even acknowledging that i said anything, proceeded to just ask more questions on what he wanted to know.

it's just disappointing when you believe that your friendship is deeper than just caring about surface level things that don't really matter, and it becomes apparent that the guy just cares about fulfilling his own agenda, as if you're kind of just there to be a source of entertainment or whatever.

maybe i'm cynical, but i keep coming across more and more people where it's not just that they aren't at that level of intimacy, it's that they really just see other people as a means to an end.  these kinds of people also the type to really just seek after meaningless things.  

and i'm annoyed because they keep wasting my time.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

examination.

perhaps the unexamined life is not worth living, but examining does make living more taxing.