Monday, February 13, 2012

the reason i want to act (part 2)

i realize that these entries may start to become more personal, but i guess i have a lot to get off my chest.  hopefully you won't get bored by the details and will find this to be somewhat insightful, as i work through my own psyche for myself.

a lot of people who meet me for the first time probably put me in the category as a softie, someone who gives up if something isn't going well initially, but i consider myself one of the most persevering people i know.

in acting, they say to be prepared to be rejected a multitude of times.  i feel that throughout my life, there has been rarely a time when i wasn't rejected, and just had to find some sort of strength to continue on.

although it hasn't been exactly clear my entire life, i have been groomed to be a performer, where i was continually put in situations where i have been judged for what i could do.  i remember daunting situations throughout my life where i had no idea what to expect, resulting in some victories and some defeats.  among them:

- a math competition for 5th grade koreans in NYC area (knowing none of them who all probably knew each other) that i managed to win after being put in it randomly last minute by my mom
- become an all state orchestra alternate for an instrument i hated playing
- becoming a first time representative of our high school in a national chemistry olympiad where i think i got crushed (another side reason i love the show breaking bad)
- sing on stage for the first time in high school for a competition
- step on stage with the chorus not being a member and not knowing any of the songs as a prank
- skip school to perform with a band at a friend's high school like a rebel without a cause
- be the new leader of a praise team that had lost 5 of its main members the previous year as a first time member by learning how to play guitar, singing, and leading a bunch of first time band members to a congregation that mostly didn't give two shits (and occasionally, i bled on guitars)
- face parents who i had "failed" after getting into 3 of 9 colleges i had applied to (with all of their frenemies' kids getting into choice schools along with a certain sister who slipped through the cracks into harvard)
- getting together a group in college to perform in the greatest asian rock show ever
- managing to get a job as a management consultant somehow out of college after having no internship or real work experience
- have the gumption and the gamble to risk ten grand at the age of 22 in order to play in my first live poker tournament, which ended up being a 14 hour a day, 8 day gauntlet of glory
- enroll in an acting studio with no previous training or knowledge of acting, performing in front of my peers every week

i'd say that these are some events that shaped who i am, developing some of my talent and tenacity for being put into pressure situations.  i was at first a reluctant performer, being forcefully thrust into the spotlight by my parents or other forces, and experiencing some balance of success and failure.  but i think after a while, after gaining confidence of my abilities and strength, i began to relish times to shine.  i had pride in what unique things i had to offer.

for anyone, i think it's good to have a desire to perform at a high level in whatever career they choose.  i think that as i worked at my job, i started to realize that i had no desire to perform well in the career i was in, and found acting and other performance art to be something that i just wanted to do, something that existed in my gut. the events in my life have given me the experience and the hunger to continue to excel.


janet said...

firstly, i didn't slip through any cracks.

secondly, you got that job b/c my friends helped you.

Doug said...


blee said...

+10 to janet